Wednesday, 22 August 2012

Life is about attitude and nothing more.

I have been prompted to write this blog, my first in far too long after waking up in the middle of the night from a nightmare. We all get them from time to time, we all fear them to some extent. (& if you don’t, what’s your secret?).

For me this has changed. I have rarely suffered from nightmares in my life, but those times that I have, I remember well… Despite being really bad at remembering dreams… Tonight was my first in quite a while.

What differed this time was not the nightmare itself, that was as scary as ever… But that I did not run! On the contrary, in this nightmare I took control of the situation, armed myself and started fighting back and hunting down what was supposed to be hunting me! When I woke it was with adrenaline rushing through my system, the muscle tension and rapid breathing normal with nightmares, but nothing more than a mild anxiety to accompany it. No panic, fear or other terrors, I felt composed and in complete control.

Life really is no more than attitude! I have lived “an interesting life” in the last two years or so… (May you live in interesting times” is an ancient Chines curse.) During this time I have encountered all of my personal nightmares face to face and beaten each one. This experience has changed me in many profound ways and I no longer fear the unknown twists and turns of life. Do not get me wrong here, I have faced my own death and carried on regardless, I have held true in the face of pure evil and survived to tell the tale. It is not something I would recommend for even my worst enemy (although one or two of them deserve it…). I feel proud to have survived, it was not easy, but I endured with attitude and determination.

Of course things can still scare me, I am human… But that fear is now balanced by an absolute confidence myself, who I am and my abilities. For all the pain, fear and emotional trauma that I have suffered in these last two years, I have grown as a human being and grown as an individual. The innate trust, confidence and belief in myself that has replaced the insecurities and doubt we all feel at times, has translated itself into my dreams, allowing me to master that instinctual fear and turn it on its head.

This attitude of inner confidence and trust in oneself can be applied to ALL forms and facets of daily life.

For much of my life, I have struggled to remember my dreams, but today has changed that. Today I learned how strong I have always been and that at last the cork is out of the bottle and I have a deep instinctual faith in who I am and what I stand for in life… With this aspect of myself now out in the open, even the most scary place of all, our nightmares, holds no fear for me. I have replaced the “flee & hide” instinct with a “stand & fight” instinct… Even a “turn on my fears and hunt them down” instinct if you will.

Life still has unknowns, still holds scary things and places… But my new outlook , my new attitude to life and it’s multitude of twists and turns, ups & downs, lets me take control and lead with head held high and an “I will go down fighting” response to anything that threatens me and my own.

I have never been violent in my life, but I have rarely taken crap from people. I am one of natures pacifists, using my brain before brawn and that is still true of me today. However, if you back me into a corner with no other option, you can expect me to come at you in a fury of rage using all that I can to go on the offensive… I am not one to cower in the corner. That has never been the real me, just the scared child of my youth that never quite left me until now.

Only five times in my life have I had to resort to violence over intelligence, I only lost the first of these… Ever since that learning curve I have never lost! Now I know why… I have an innate faith in who and what I am, now more than ever before and am not afraid afraid to stand up for what I believe in…  It seems that my attitude to life and this belief have always protected me, but I have only just understood how, recognised what was happening… That how you respond to the crap life throws at you can turn even the most negative of experiences into positive personal growth.

For years now I have been saying: “There is good in every experience, no matter how bad, painful or traumatic. If you look hard enough, you will always find the good that came out of it”. There is ALWAYS something good to be taken from everything that life throws at you. It may take some time, but if you survive it, you grow from it!

Search deep within yourself and focus on what makes you proud of who you are, what makes you the person you aspire to be… (we all have something, however negative we may be)… Focus on those aspirations and the positives and draw strength from them when you stumble into one of those aspects of yourself that you dislike or fear.

Be proud of who you are, learn to believe in what you stand for in life and what your aspirations are… Use that to gain control of your fears and turn them to your advantage. We only have one life, it is too short to waste on fear and hesitation, grab life, live it, don’t just pass through… Make the most of it at every turn. Look around you and realise how many beautiful things there are; The stars, a sunset, a flower, children playing and laughing, the kindness of someone, an act of charity in others, the beauty of shape and colour in everything around you…

When you can recognise these things for what they are, even in your worst moments and when you can truly mean the words “I am proud of who I am, faults and all”. Then, if you are lucky you can also wake up from a nightmare and realise you had turned on what frightened you and made it run from you instead.

Trust me when I say it is worth the pursuit! It is one of the most satisfying feelings that I have ever known…

Good Luck
Thankyou for reading and please feel free to comment.
** It's time we stand back and look at what we prioritise in society today **